By: Spitting Image

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Book Excerpt

how to make copy look like a book page.

AFTER the style has been applied to the text, each page should be as close to 25 lines long as possible. divide up the text prior to applying the styles to groups of 9-14 lines of copy. after the style has been applied each page will be a different length and they need to be evened out. 25 lines per page AFTER styles are applied is similar in dimensions to an 8.5×11 sheet of paper.

a different number of lines is fine as long as all the pages have the same number of lines AFTER the style has been applied.

if a page has less than 25 lines it will be fine, but if it has more it will overflow and text will be hidden.



E L James

Jesus, what the fuck am I doing. I open the door to the big room with all the sex stuff in it. Ana seems intimidated and impressed. Cool. I can ‘t let her know that all this stuff was already in the apartment when I moved in and I have never used any of it.

Christian Grey, could you finally lose your virginity tonight?

She ‘s walking around the room. Oh man, she is gonna just start laughing at me. Ana touches one of those big whip things that are in here. One of the ones that is super heavy and I am too scared to throw it out because of what the garbage guys will think of me.

Uh oh ‘ she wants to know what it is uh ‘ uh ‘ uh ‘

‘It ‘s called a flogger,” I say.

What the fuck? A flogger? What am I a little English school boy?

Is she buying it? Oh man, I can ‘t tell. She is just silent. I ‘m such an idiot. How did this happen? My dad got me this job in a big fancy building and then this pretty college girl came in one day while I was playing Minecraft and I just started acting like I was all tough an mysterious, I had no idea people would just go for this stuff, what am I doing?!?

I couldn ‘t take the tension anymore. Does she buy it or is she pocket texting her friends that I am a big dumb loser?

‘Say something,” I stammer.

‘Do you do this to people or do they do it to you?”

SHE BUYS IT! I am winging it and have somehow been totally nailing it! For some reason this 21-year-old girl thinks I am some impressive sexual beast. Fake it till you make it, I guess?


E L James

I can ‘t let her know I ‘ve never seen a live human vagina before. Also, I definitely shouldn ‘t call it a ‘live human vagina” out loud.

‘People?” Don ‘t blow this Christian. ‘I do this to women who want me to.”

Ugh I ‘m such an idiot, woman are people. She was just being polite sexuality-wise and I sound like a fucking idiot.

‘If you have willing volunteers, why am I here?”

Oh man, she totally thinks I have done this before! This is nuts!

My penis is so hard, I have never gotten this close to having sex. On the one hand I feel bad that I am kinda tricking her, but on the other hand, I ‘ve never had sex and I am so lonely and who knew that you just had to act like a mysterious creep to get college girls to like you?! This is insane!

‘Because I want to do this with you, very much.”

Nice, dude, nice. Maybe I can keep it romantic and normal like this and she will drop this weird S&M thing I have backed myself into. Don ‘t actually want to use the ‘flogger.” Would rather just have nice normal sex.

‘Oh, you ‘re a sadist?”

Oh fuck. I don ‘t know what that means. Am I one? Do I pretend I am a sadist? No, no, make something up so she won ‘t know ‘ uhhhh.

‘I ‘m a Dominant.” Nice and vague.

‘What does that mean?” Fuck, I have no idea ‘ make something up uhhhhh

‘It means I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me, in all

E L James

things,” I say, hoping she didn ‘t notice with my nerves part of the sentence kinda sounded like I was trying to have an English accent.

She pauses. Crap. That was way too obvious. Why did I say that? This is a smart, pretty, independent woman who I have just met, why would a man ever say anything like that!?!?!

‘Why would I do that?”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck she knows I am a fraud.

I looked down for a moment. Do I just give it up? Do I tell her that I am basically a little nerd boy with a boner that is in too deep?

Guhhhhh. Ok, last chance.

‘To please me,” I whisper. Barely able to say it because it was so absurd. ‘In very simple terms, I want you to want to please me.”

‘How do I do that?”

Dude. No. Way. She is buying it!

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