By: News

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Fake Character Stannis Baratheon Vs. Real Evil Person Dennis Hastert: Who’s Worse?

Following last night ‘s episode of Game Of Thrones, during which major character Stannis Baratheon burned his own young daughter to death at the stake, the internet exploded with outrage targeted at Stannis, who is not a real person.

Last week, real man and former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was revealed to have paid millions in illegally diverted funds from his consulting business as hush money to a man whom Hastert had sexually abused as a young boy when he (Hastert) was a high school teacher and wrestling coach in Illinois. Online outrage was much more muted.

In the interest of objectivity, here is a chart of things Stannis Baratheon did versus things Dennis Hastert did to help determine which of them is more evil and deserving of your hatred:

Stannis Baratheon Dennis Hastert
Had his priestess, Melisandre, give birth to a shadow creature which then murdered his brother. Took a moral high ground/family values stance when helping orchestrate the impeachment hearings for Bill Clinton during the Lewinsky scandal ‘incredibly hypocritical considering he himself had sexually abused minors.
Burned his loyal bannerman Axell Florent to death at the stake for refusing to convert to the Lord of Light. Was a strong supporter of the Iraq War Resolution and stated that there was a ‘direct connection between Iraq and al-Qaeda.”
Burned Mance, the King of the Wildings to death at the stake for refusing to swear fealty to him. For many years, helped push anti-gay legislation, despite the fact that he is very likely a closeted homosexual and pedophile.
Burned his own daughter at the stake as a superstitious religious sacrifice to help him win the Iron Throne. Illegally structured the withdrawal of large sums of cash to be used as hush money for the victim(s) of his sexual abuse, and lied to the FBI about the nature of these withdrawals.
Is a fictional character who never actually did any of the above things, because he doesn ‘t exist. Is a real man who irreparably damaged people ‘s lives by using his position of authority to prey on children who trusted him, and who used his power to disenfranchise gay people despite his own morally indefensible sexual predilections.

So, it looks like by virtue of his actually being a real person and doing horrendous things to other real people, Dennis Hastert is inconceivably worse than Stannis Baratheon, who is made up. You should be much, much angrier about Dennis Hastert than an imaginary wizard guy or whatever Stannis is.

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