By: Kit Lively
15 Signs That You’re At A Mediocre Wet T-Shirt Contest
- The majority of contestants have wet t-shirts because their water just broke.
- In order to be green-minded and ecology-conscious by not using water, you ‘re supposed to just “use your imagination. ‘
- The t-shirts are wet, but the skin of the ladies is dry. Like really psoriasis-level, extremely flaky skin dry.
- Global warming doesn ‘t allow the t-shirts to stay wet for more than a few moments at a time.
- They ‘re judging just the wet t-shirts themselves, without being worn by attractive, busty ladies.
- You misread the advertising, and it ‘s actually a Wendt T-Shirt Contest, featuring George Wendt in a series of moist, ill-fitting tees.
- Much of the moisture in the contest is provided by the hysterical crying of the young ladies ‘ mothers, sobbing violently and trying to pull their daughters off of the stage.
- No one from The American Journal of Professional Wet T-Shirt Competitive Events is there to cover the contest.
- Your wife takes a look at the assembled contestants, and tells you that it ‘s okay for you to stay and watch.
- The cover charge to view the contest is going to charity, which forces you to think of boobs and sick kids at the same time.
- Being on the front row, you get splashed with a good deal of residual water, and end up winning the contest yourself.
- The Russians tamper with the results, and so the least qualified of the young ladies wins.
- You end up watching the silent broadcast of some pawn shop reality show playing on the TV above the contestants.
- As it turns out, it ‘s not a wet t-shirt contest, just an unfortunate young woman who got caught in the rain.
- The antics onstage aren ‘t quite hot enough, and the drinks specials not quite good enough, to keep you from feeling like a gross creepy guy.
